How To Save a Foe
by Reno Keehl
Summary: First person, Naruto. Naruto is in his room after returning for the hospital. His thoughts begin to trail off on Sasuke, what he is now, and what they could have been. His true feelings begin to unravel, only a little too late.


I see it now. Why didn't I realize this sooner, Sasuke? Why was I not able to tell you this before you left? I wish I could turn back the clock. I wish you were still here, and you still called me "friend."

I did not care that you tried to kill me. I did not care that you said you hated me. I just wanted you to stay. And the fact that you'd never feel the same way, well, that is a pain I will suffer alone; because you know what, Sasuke? Being by your side has always been enough for me.

Talking to you…Competing with you…Being made fun of by you…that's what keeps me alive. Now that you are gone, I would gladly give up the dream of being hokage if it means you would be with me again. If it meant I can keep you from straying from the path of goodness… Still, I keep smiling and acting the fool in front of others. I keep playing the hopeful hero when I feel like crying. I just feel like collapsing to my knees and tearing at my hair. Your name, your face, and your voice are all I can think of. It's all I see when I close my eyes.

If you knew how I feel, do you think that you could have stayed? I have always just been an annoying hindrance to you. I always hold you back. I always slow you down. Why then was I not able to keep you here? What if it was me that tried to stop you and not Sakura? Would you have stayed or would you have taken the chance to kill me before fleeing the village?

There's an empty spot where you used to sit. Your picture is starting to fade, and your scratched up headband is all I have left of you. I've clutched onto that for so long now, maybe too long now. But still, it is a symbol of\treason. It is a symbol of betrayal. It is a symbol of the darkness of your heart… Yet, when I look at it, I don't think about any of that. To me, it is a fragment of your memories. It is my proof that you were once here, that you were once good…That you were once mine.

I swear I will bring you back. No matter how many times I have to try, no matter how many times I will fail… I swear I will bring you back to me. I want to see you again so badly…

You've been gone for half a year now, and for half a year all I could think about is you; all I could dream about is you. It's silly, stupid, foolish that I obsess over you like this, and that I am so determined. It is all so stupid and pointless, but if anyone realized how I felt about you, they might just understand why I'm so driven. Then they might just understand why I would throw everything away----my hopes, my dreams… I would throw them all away if it meant bringing you back.

And maybe it is purely selfish, the reason I want you here. I don't care how pathetic or dumb I seem for trying. The truth is _I _don't want to live without you here, Sasuke. Sakura may claim she loves you, but she knows nothing about you. You and I…we are more alike than you would ever know, more than you would ever admit. It's true, isn't it, Sasuke?

Even if you have always been the subject of my envy and my sworn rival, you are more than that. You are my comrade, my best friend…the only one to ever acknowledge me in class. Iruka-Sensei might have saved me from the world around me, but it was you that saved me from myself. Sasuke, you make me love myself because you showed me that there were things about me that are likeable, even if unintentionally. You probably never saw me as more than a friend, if even that, but still…I'm okay with this considered love.

Yes, it's true, Sasuke. I am so madly in love with you. If you could only see how much it hurts when you turned against me. If you could only understand the emptiness in my life now… I love you more than anyone ever before, more than life, more than me. I love you so much that I don't know what to do with myself. I want your eyes to always be on me and me alone.

Why couldn't I see it before? I have always loved you, and I have always been chasing you. I was trying desperately to catch up then, and even more to catch you now. I thought that if I could catch up to you, no, surpass you, you might finally acknowledge me. My wish came true. You acknowledged me so much that your needless jealousy turned into hate and you were compelled to kill me.

I wish you did kill me, Sasuke. Both times…if you have followed through and eliminated me, all this pain would die too. The hurt, the betrayal, the emptiness…it would all die. Then nobody would have to hurt anymore. You would be rid of the thorn in your side, and I would be free from this empty life without you. The fact that you tried to kill me hurts…but I'm not complaining. I would have been content with death at the moment because I knew how you really feel. I saw the depths of your heart and I had no place in it; not as friend, not as rival… Just an irritant; that is all I am to you. Your true colours came out, and they did not resemble me at all.

Why do I not just give up? Days are turning into weeks and weeks into months, but still no sign of you. Soon it will be a year…Soon it will be three years. Soon you will forget that I ever existed, but not me. As long as I live, as long as I hold onto the fragments you left behind, you will never be forgotten.

In my heart and in my dreams you exist, forever the friend I cherished. I refuse to call you "foe," and I am reluctant to raise arms against you. This is why you will always win. This is why you will never come back. I love you too much. I do not have the courage and will to hurt you, but where am I needed when you can destroy yourself?

Your demon has always been so much stronger than mine. You are full of hate, and vengeance is your friend. You live on empty because revenge is all you seek. What will happen after become strong? What will happen after you seek revenge? After all you know is finally gone, what do you plan on doing? How do you plan to live?

Well, Sasuke…even if it is a selfish request, I want you to live for me. Everyday without you is hell to me. I don't want to be stuck here.


End file.
